Monday, April 12, 2010

A big change is coming.....

A brief warning: if you are a man, this post may make you uncomfortable. I don't mind if you keep reading, but you have been warned.

So on that note...............

I have a surgery date! For what you ask? I am having a breast reduction, on May 4th to be exact. I have a lot emotions, swirling around about this. Mostly excitement, but also some nervousness. I have wanted to have this surgery for a very long time, but having a surgery date, as of today, that's just a few weeks away, feels a little crazy.

The size of my...."assets" has been a big part of my life for a very long time. I started developing young and quickly. I remember being in the locker room at the public pool when I was about 13, and a woman (well I remember her being a woman, but she may have just been an older teenager) asked me if "they were real?" Are you kidding, I was child!!!! There were also these teenage boys on my paper route, (I was about 13-14 at the time) that used to yell at me "Hey big tits!" The attention was cruel for a girl in junior high. As I got older, the attention became part of my identity. The lies that I believed, were that my value came from my body. Lies that I have spent years and years trying to overcome. Lies that Satan is still trying to whisper to me as I am moving forward with this operation. Even though I don't believe those lies, it is still pretty scary. Scary to be allowing someone to be do such a severe procedure on something that is such a part of my womanhood.

That's just the emotional stuff, there is also this whole other side that only has benefits and not scary at all. Like, being able to fold a load of laundry with out feeling a burning pain between my shoulder blades. Or being able to wear a bathing suit without getting a headache from the weight pulling down on my neck. Or going into a store and buying a cute dress that actually fits my whole body, instead of having to buy a sz 12 or 14 so that it fits over my chest. I'm so excited!!!! I am going to be a bridesmaid in my friends wedding in July and I am actually going to be able to wear the cute little strapless dress!!!!!!! I actually had to have straps added to my own wedding dress, so that I would be able to wear it. The possibilities are endless.

It's still scary though. I'm afraid of the pain. I'm afraid of a long recovery, I mean seriously, I have 3 small children that need me to be awesome (hee hee). I am trying to plan a FABULOUS Alice in Wonderland tea party for Brooklyn's 5th birthday, just 20 days after surgery....what if I can't do it? I'm intimidated by the inevitable scars. I'm afraid that I still won't be able to find dresses and bras and bathing suits that fit me. (I know that one doesn't make any sense, but I am trying to undo many years of psychological shopping hell in these areas)

Fear or not though, I am moving forward. Moving forward to a new me.
I will keep you all updated as my surgery gets closer and as it actually happens. (I'll have some down time as I recover)
Thanks for listening!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Morning Suprise!

How does one vomit all over themselves and their bed and just keep on sleeping in it all night? I have no idea, but that is precisely what my Judah-man did last night. So this morning when he came into my room and curled up in my bed right next to me, I had no idea that he was covered in puke, and neither did he. What a lovely morning surprise! Although given the choice between discovering it in the morning or being up with a kid in the middle of the night who puked in his bed, having to change sheets and feeling obligated to bathe the pukey child. I would totally choose him sleeping in it all night and not knowing or caring. Especially 'cause he was sleeping in Brooklyn's bed with her last night and that would have meant waking up BOTH of them to change sheets and such. (Judah was at the foot of the bed and Brooklyn was untouched by the puke) I'm pretty sure that all this makes me sound like a bad mom....but what can I say? I really like my sleep. Feel free to judge me accordingly ;)

Friday, April 2, 2010

It's been a LONG 3 weeks

All I wanted tonight, was to get the kids in bed and go to bed early......HA!
As of 8:45 all 3 were still awake.

It's been a LONG 3 weeks. My man has been "working" all over Europe. (Amsterdam, Geneva, Brussels, Venice, name a few. I know, he has it hard)

Back here at home I am way outmatched. There is 3 of them and only 1 of me. They make more mess than me. They make more noise than me. They have more energy than me.

When I have them one on one, I feel hopeful. There was a moment tonight-Brooklyn was cleaning her room, Judah was still in the tub and I was lotioning and jammying Joel. But then I had to buddy two of them back up for bedtime. Brooklyn and Judah are usually the worst combo at bed time, so I made the choice to put the boys together. BAD CHOICE! 30 minutes later, I moved Judah to Brooklyn's room, but it's 9:13 and I in fact just had to pause from writing, go upstairs, hand out 'discipline', and put Judah in my room. (I put them all in bed originally @ 7:30)
Why didn't I just put Judah in my bed in the first place? 'Cause remember my goal all along was to go straight to bed.

I still have to pay bills, dinner is not cleaned up and tomorrow will be a busy day. We have friends from Zambia in town. I LOVE this family! They went to our church in FL, heard the call on their life and moved to Zambia with their 8 kids to open a ranch for street boys. They are on sabbatical, touring the US, and in town for the weekend. Tomorrow afternoon they are coming to hang out with their 9 kids. I'm very excited, and not at all intimidated about having all 11 of them in my house-it just means that I need to get my house picked up. Like I said, it's been a long 3 weeks. Mike is so sad that he's missing the Walkers (family from Zambia), but he gets home soon. Only 3 more days.

While I was sorting the mail to pay the bills, I found a letter from the Wynn, Las Vegas offering us a really great rate on a 3 night get-a-way. That sounds REALLY nice right about now, but I would happily take just a morning off.