Memories.....

I'm reaching an age where my childhood memories don't feel so real anymore. Not the important ones-the ones that have shaped you or burned themselves deep into your heart. I'm talking about the fond memories that you think about and smile. Although, they don't feel like mine anymore.....Some have them have faded away into a fuzzy little place in my mind. When I remember them, I could just as easily be remembering an episode of Full House or a story I read in the readers digest on my gramma's coffee table. I hate it that they aren't vivid anymore. I have a great memory and remember almost everything. Remembering is different than feeling though. I wish I could still feel how exciting is was to hold the 'Penny Fair' in our backyard for all the neighborhood kids or what it felt like to walk down the stairs on Christmas morning and see my brand new, red, 10 speed sitting by the Christmas tree. Even the time that Elaina scared me into hyperventilation....I can't feel it anymore. It feels so far away. Oh well, I guess the trade off is new memories.
I can still feel the euphoria that rushed over me immediately following the birth of all 3 of my precious children. I can still feel pure joy as Brooklyn and I rolled around in the grass waiting for Mike's truck to pull onto our street after work. Or how she used to talk to Judah in my belly. Or the physical pain in my body when she burned her leg on my brother's motorcycle. Or how adorable Judah was when he talked like a caveman (me, no want potty) or ran around singing "vote for women!" with his little fist held high (from Mary Poppins). My memories with Joel are all pretty fresh...today in the car he was singing "Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh" along with All the Single Ladies. When I change his diapers, he likes to cover his face with his blankie and laugh hysterically while hidden. He thinks that he's hilarious and laughs so hard his whole body shakes. Good Memories. I wish that they would never get fuzzy.